regrets: (BEAT ME UP. I DESERVE IT.)
[personal profile] regrets
- Having Mao reveal that he killed his father to Lelouch. It hits a trauma button.

HAHAHAHAHA.

UH OKAY:

Summary: Suzaku bursts in through the window to stop Mao and start calling Sayako about Nunnally. He knows that he acted on Lelouch's orders and he absolutely and completely trusts Lelouch here. They've worked together to get up to this point, and he's confused when Lelouch doesn't seem to remember what the hell he's talking about. Mao thinks quickly after Lelouch reveals his plan of TRUSTING SUZAKU ABSOLUTELY through telepathy and reveals the part where Suzaku is a father-killer. Suzaku tries to defend his action, but it's obvious he feels guilty. Mao goes on about how he just wants to save his soul, but partly through sacrificing himself to do it. The end result is Suzaku is revealed as the father of his killer, everyone covered it up, and he flashes back to the memory of it at the time, so this is like ... double memory-gaining, and then Lelouch starts shouting at him as Suzaku goes catatonic.

WHAT THIS MEANS:

- Now Suzaku knows why he HATES HIMSELF SO MUCH IN HIS MEMORIES.
- He killed his father. He was a little boy who killed his father and even though he doesn't entirely believe it, he still tries to defend the action seven years later.
- He wants to die! He's super suicidal! Everything he does is to make up for that mistake he made, even if he knows it's futile!
- WOW I REALLY AM A HORRIBLE PERSON WHY DOES LELOUCH NOT HATE ME ON THE SPOT AND EVEN SEEMS TO DEFEND ME oh wait I'm not really paying attention to that, but it's something that will occur to Aather!Suzaku after he ... assesses it more.
- He and Lelouch are working together and he is working on Lelouch's advice. What the hell!
- This person they're working to save is important, too; she looks like the girl from the memories. Nunnally? Sayako is relevant, too. A maid?
BUT MOSTLY I KILLED MY FATHER

I DON'T EVEN KNOW. He went from a string of happy memories with the underlying feeling of guiltguiltguilt to this. IN FACT, IT'S EVEN AT THE SURFACE OF HIS MIND. So technically, one of the others should've given it, but whatever, this is Geass. Let's roll with it.

Shield's identity has been built around Beauty's words, and this will crush him. He's been waiting to see what kind of person he really is, and now he sees ... and he hates himself for it. It's like "I do terrible things and I hate myself" but he gets the feeling that that's just the beginning?

I ... amazing. I can't even predict how he'll respond to this except with "holy crap I'd like to kill myself."
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Shield // Kururugi Suzaku

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